I really am. I know I need to do better. I need to stop purging. It's hurting me. I'm not loosing weight. I'm maintaining, which my friends seem happy about, but I'm not. I can't. I need to loose more. Just a little bit. Just a lot. I don't know. I just need to loose more.
Restricting is fine, if I don't binge, but It also slows my metabolism WAYYYYYY down, because of my thyroid. Stupid fucking body fighting against me. I was loosing when I was on a two meal a day thing. Breakfast, no lunch, dinner. I need to fight it. I don't need the food, I need the thin.
My work is still shithouse. Yesterday stank. I got into management so I could stop the crazy hours, now I'm working till 8pm two nights a week. If 2008 doesn't bring me a better job, I won't make it to 2009, I know it.
I'm trying to get my uni work done, but my lecturer won't email back with the green light for my major project. It's due in 14 days, for godsake!!!
I'm trying to make plans for Christmas. I'm trying to spend as little time alone as possible. I think if I'm alone to much, the whole day is going to be a depressing spiral of missing my Dad, my ex and everything else that I used to love about the day.
I'm talking to HIM as I write. MSN. A fabulous thing.
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