My two days of working hell will be finished. My two days on the register. My two days working 12pm till 8pm. I hate it. I didn't take this job to be a glorified console operator for fuck sake. Can't they see that it's making people leave?? Managers are quiting left right and center. We don't want to do it. It's not why we took these jobs.
If I can just get till 8pm Tuesday night, the week will pretty much be over for me. Wednesday is my normal work day, Wednesday night HE is coming over for our weekday catch up. Thursday and Friday I'm OFF, thank the Lord. Saturday, I'm only working a few hours and Sunday will be easier, as HE is coming over that night. Then, the next week is Christmas week....
I don't want it to come, yet I just want it over. The first Christmas without my Dad. My first Christmas waking up in a house alone. Thankfully, I'm working from 5am till 10am, so I'll only be awake for a few minutes before I have to go to work.
He was here again today. We talked, we watched things. He gave me tissues when I cried. I just wish he'd put his arms around me.... But he doesn't. I think it's because he doesn't want to give mixed signals, or maybe he just doesn't know if he should..... I don't know..... I just wish he'd take me in his arms and hold me tight. Sometimes I see that familiar smile... that twinkle.... I don't know. I still hope. I live for that hope.
I purged again today. I knew I would. A take away breakfast and a take away lunch was always going to do it. I just couldn't keep it down. I tried so hard, but he left soon after lunch and...
It's 10pm and I'm starving. It's a great feeling. I feel empty and happy because of it. Tomorrow, the scales will tell me what today will cost me.
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