Somehow, I think I missed what happens next....

At 28 year old, I've had two serious relationships.

The first - if you could call it a relationship - was with my employer. He was married, but started a physical relationship with me at 19 years of age. The affair lasted 3 years. I loved him, but he didn't love me back - or so I thought. It turns out that the idea of being with someone 17 years younger then him scared him off. I was also his employee and he didn't want the 'town talking'. Just a few months ago, he says he regrets not trying harder.

My second relationship was with G. He was a friend of my brothers and we met after a show they did together. I mentioned to my brother that he seemed nice and the next thing I know my brother had set up a lunch with the three of us. After a day spent together, we'd exchanged details and 4 weeks later I'd moved in with him. 4 years and 4 months later, he tells me he doesn't love me anymore and that he hadn't for some time. 10 months after that, we each moved out. I still see him, but he has another girl friend.

4 months ago, a new sales rep came into my store. We got chatting and it became a regular occurrence that he'd come in and we'd spend most of the time talking to each other. He's funny, quite good looking and really interesting. I don't really know how much we have in common, but I do know that 2 years and 6 months after G broke my heart, I'm interested in someone else for the first time.

The thing is, some where along the lines, I missed what happens next. I never found out what you do after you realise you like someone.

As bad as this sounds, I've never had to fight or pursue someone. My first relationship was initiated by the guy and the second was one of those unique moments where you both fall for each other at exactly the same second.

I think this guy is interested in me. Other stores have told me that he only ever spends 15 or 20 minutes there, yet at my stores, it's always double that. Yesterday, we spent the better part of a hour talking to each other. He seems to try and time his runs to my store to be the last stop.

I just don't know what to do. After G, I'm terrified of being rejected again.

What happens next? What am I supposed to do???

Update

I'm still purge free. 10 weeks. Should be proud but it's bloody hard. I've lost a huge part of my life and as well as being in a state of mourning, I've lost any ability to release pressure and stress. I've got nothing left.

My third Christmas in a job I despise is rapidly approaching, after I swore I wouldn't be there this time last year.

On a positive note, I was so proud that Obama won the race to the White House. Apart from supporting Democrat Policy, I know what it's like to be in a minority group and strive to be heard. I went through primary school and high school bullied because my family had no money, my Father was Chinese and I never fit in. I developed and eating disorder because I thought people would like me if I was thin and joined another minority group through that process as well. Black, white, yellow, male, female, whoever you are, you can achieve your dreams. THAT'S what Obama has told us.

I'm seeing a GP on Wednesday, with the intention to ask for anti depressants. I admit. I need them. Does this make me happy? NO FUCKING WAY. I've spent the last 5 years denying that I need them. The last five years telling myself I'm fine. It's okay to feel like this. It's okay to be smiling and laughing one minute, then sobbing into my pillow for hours the next. That small, stupid things upset me and that I get angry over absolutely nothing. It's not okay. I admit it. It's not. It's not normal, it's not okay and my feeling like I want to take my own life isn't something I should just push past. I'm going to ask for a prescription. I will do it.