Never again.... until next time.....

Well, I overdid the laxatives last night. At about 2am, I woke up in enormous pain. Ok, nothing unusual there. There is usually pain when you take more then the recommended dose. I doubled it, so I expected that. So I stumbled to the bath room and sat down. After a couple of minutes, I started to feel really warm. It's been warm here in Australia and my house is taking it's time to cool down, so I thought, alright, it's still warm. Everything kept pouring out of my body, which I was happy about, but the pain didn't stop, it just became more intense. Then suddenly, my body turned ice cold. I was still sweating like an animal, but the wave of cold hit. Then I felt really nauseous, like I was going to throw up but had nothing inside, and felt light headed, dizzy and shaky. I really thought I was going to pass out on the toilet. I felt soooooo sick and scared and was regretting every laxative I'd taken. I put my head down on my legs and the feeling passed and I became really hot again and my skin went red.

So, I finished (sort of) and stood up and flushed. Then, I got really dizzy again. My head started spinning and I started seeing light dots and flashes in my eyes. I couldn't really see where I was going, so I felt my way back to bed and lay down. I think I really did pass out then.

I woke up a couple of times later, with pain and churning and my stomach felt like It was ripping apart, but that was more like what I usually feel after laxatives.

I think I'm completely empty now. I love feeling completely empty. My weight is down, and I'm satisfied there is nothing left in my stomach, intestines or anywhere in my body.

I'm a little dizzy and shaky, but hey, that's normal for me.

I told myself while sitting on the toilet that I'd throw my laxatives out this morning. I'd never take them again. That was it. Restrict, fast, exercise, whatever, no more laxatives. But it's morning now, I feel happy and empty and last night didn't seem so bad.

So, I might leave them alone for a little while, but will i never use them again? Never.