It was bound to catch up with me, he says.......

I had more blood tests a little while ago. They're STILL trying to find out what's causing the tingling, swollen veins and weird feelings in my hands. I also had the nerve endings tested in my hands and feet. The nerve tests came out fine. My blood tests, not so much.

They showed low B12 levels. B12 is what helps run the central nervous system, brain function and energy levels. They also showed a low white cell count, which could mean my body is struggling to fight something more sinister and finally a high immune count, which could mean my body starts to fight healthy tissue and cells.

I've been given a prescription for B12 injections, once a month for three months. I also have a prescription for tablets to take between the injections. In three months time, I need to go back, have more blood tests and see my specialist again to see what's happening. If anythings improved, great, if not, more tests as something else could be going on.

I told my ex what happened at the doctors. His response? "it was bound to catch up with me". He told me that after 10 years of abusing my body, it was was bound to fuck up eventually. He's right. I know he's right. I just hate hearing it out loud.

Slowly, my body is reacting to years of bad nutrition, purging and exercising. I'm not giving my body what it needs to function. I pray to God that the artificial B12 I take helps. If not, apparently I need to take a serious look at my eating habits, apparently. The doctor knows I'm bulimic. He knows I've struggled with eating disorders for 10 years. I'm petrified that he means the next step is something more drastic.

I'm scared.