If I hear those works again, so help me God......

If only you were ten years older.....

My friend used those words last night. I am so fucking sick of hearing it. Just when I think things might work between us, he says those words. I was ready to smack him across the head. He chased me. He's tried to kiss me, take me to his bed, have me stay over so many times, made innuendos, suggestions and everything else, then, when I finally think that maybe.... he drops it on me.

Next weekend, he's taking me away, apparently. It's gone from the three of us (my friend, myself and another friend, S), going away, to him taking me away. I think he realizes I've been stressed out with work and un-well and he's decided that it's his job to get me away from the weekend so I can relax. I do appreciate that, and I care for him deeply, but why did he have to say those works??

I can't stop thinking about my work mate, N. I just wish that things were different. I truly care about him... It just isn't fair.

I'm planning on working my arse off tomorrow and Tuesday. We have 2 store visitsI and as much as I really don't like my job, I sadly take pride in my work and want things to look good.

Yesterday, after the lovely day I spent with my ex, seeing a show, having lunch and visiting his brother, I actually went back to work to see N. It started out as some lame excuse to find out about an order, and ending in me staying for two hours. When he finished at the till and went out the back to the office, we were chatting and I shifted my purse and keys. He looked at me and asked if I was leaving. I asked why and did he want me to stay and he said yes. We talked, laughed... then went into a discussion about work, again. He understands me so well. He understands that even though I don't like my work, I still want to do well. He's the only one who can understand. We kept laughing, he smiled at me, not only with his face, but with his eyes. He kept touching my shoulders, my side, my hair, in that soft and gentle way...... *SIGH*

I want N to realize how hard I work and admire me for it.

Let's see what tomorrow brings.