Haven't updated in a while.....

So, we went to our movie. It was lovely. He was a gentleman. He wanted to ask me to dinner, but he either got too shy or realises I have food issues and didn't. He still talks and flirts with me. But when I rang him tonight, he was a little distant. He was VERY concerned about my health, though. When I mentioned I'd been sick these past few weeks, he was worried. He kept telling me to take care of myself. When I said i'd try, he said, 'no, you WILL'. But I can't promise anything. I don't know HOW to take care of myself any more, let alone deal with being sick.

I saw R on Wednesday and today. He's had his operation. We talked for a total of 5 1/2 hours, about a WHOLE lot of different things. My weight came up, but I dodged it. Mostly it was about my ex, my job, his job, his operation, the tv, the news, the American elections, everything. Before his wife came back, he said he really needed to spend time with me. Just me, where no one could interrupt and there was no risk of anyone walking in. He told me he wanted to talk to me about our past. See how much I remember. Believe me, I remember EVERYTHING. Every night, every moment, every time at his house, in the hotel, in the car, everything. There will not be a moment that he can remember, that I don't. Believe me, I've gone through them ALL at some point, remembering what might have been.

My ex has been so busy with work that it isn't funny. He didn't get the job and I am more relieved then I could ever express with words. One of the arts organsiations locally are going to try to get funding to hire him and I pray that that happens. It would be perfect for him. He would be happy and so would I.

He's moving back to his grandmothers next week. His whole family will be living under the same roof again. As I've told him, there is always a place here for him. To relax, unwind, talk and watch our DVD's. He seems to be keen on utilized this, so I will hopefully see more of him soon. Our time together lately has been a bit disorganized. A moment here and there, the odd evening. Last night we saw a movie, which was lovely. I miss it. He asked about my going to nutritionist. He's worried about my weight again. I lied and said I was going in a couple of weeks. The truth is, I've abandoned that idea. It wasn't working for me. I just love him too much to disappoint him.

I just wish it would happen. Him and me. I still believe it will.

So, my health hasn't been....... great. My binging and purging and use of laxatives and other bad behavior gave me another UTI, which has developed into a kidney infection. My back is aching and I feel nauseous. I actually had time off work, which is so rare for me. The sad part? All I'm hoping for is that my illness means I'm not eating less so I might loose more weight.

*SIGH*