My ex has another girlfriend. It's strange, though. I felt really sad and hurt for about a day, then this feeling of calmness washed over me. It's as though I KNOW it won't last long. He may not come rushing back to me right away, but I know it's going to happen. My feelings of love for him are so strong and he's making every effort possible to be with me, spend time with me and look after me. It's not just friendship. It's not just him being nice. It means something. We are drawn together. We have a bond and while his focus is elsewhere, he will eventually wake up and realize that we're not just friends and that he wants something more. He remembers why he loved me and why he planned on spending the rest of his life with me.
In the mean time, I saw my friend last Friday night. It was nice. Lovely and fun, even. He's taken to playing the 'I have a girlfriend' routine. It's funny. This older woman (much closer or even past his age) has seriously fallen for him.... she comes in around 9pm on a Friday night, puts his arms around him, makes him buy him drinks.... last Friday, I suspect she dragged him to her house for a while... maybe they had sex, who knows? But what happened after? He came back to me. Talked with me, smiled, joked about our past..... is she just a mask? A 'look, I have a girlfriend, so I can play around with this younger woman and it doesn't matter' kind of thing? I know he worries about his teenage daughters - hell, I do to. It's one of the reasons why I'm not sure a serious relationship would ever work between us. I know he also worries about the 'small town' mentality. Him dating a woman 23 years younger would definitely cause a stir. And hell, he's probably a horny bugger - he's a man, of course he wants sex. I'm not willing to give that to him - I'm not sure I ever would - so if he can get it, good on him! I only worry that he's using her. I've been used before and I don't like seeing it happen to someone else, no matter how I feel about the person.
But, who knows? We're planning a weekend to go away and see R. Another friend of ours, has told us he's coming regardless... not really sure how that's going to work..... maybe we should just plan it with out him! Cruel, I know, but I wouldn't mind some time away with just my friend... It might help sort out some feelings.....
Anyway, I have work in a hour. God I hate Mondays and Tuesdays. I'm stuck on the till and I HATE it. I became a manager so I wouldn't have to put up with that shit. Oh well.
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