A random post of thoughts.....

ARRRHGGGGG.....

Why does he lie??? Why does he call himself my friend, if he's going to lie to me?? I love him more then I love myself. More then I love life. Is he with her? Is he living with her? Is he too afraid to tell me because he doesn't want to hurt me or loose me?? I just want to know the truth. I keep seeing the signs that there's more, yet other times, he's distant... cold..... I don't get it. MEN!!!!!

I've lost weight. I'll check how much tomorrow. I can feel it. My pants are really loose and I know I've lost weight in my breasts. I can feel that, too. I can usually cup my hand over one and there be a little bit extra... now, one can fit in one hand easily with room to spare. My kidney infection has done it's job. I've lost weight. I just wish I didn't loose it in my chest!!!!! It SUCKS.

I really miss my friend. I haven't seen him for two weeks. I get to see him Friday night and I've got Saturday off, so I might stay for a bit longer and see what happens...If he offers a bed at his house..... the way I'm feeling now, I'd take it. He loves me. I need to be loved. I need to FEEL love. I still love my ex and my friend loves me. No, I don't love my friend, not like that, but at this point in time, I just want to be loved. Sad, but true.

I applied for two jobs last week. One is based where R lives. The other is in the city. The one near R would mean I could see him more, I'd earn great money, but I'd been almost alone. No family, no friend and no ex. If I get the one in town, it's hear my ex, but less money. Screw the money, I can't leave my ex. Not when I still feel that there's a chance.

On a completely different note, it's so amazing how you can be moved by TV. It doesn't matter how many times I watch The West Wing, it still moves me. The music, the words, the imagery, all enough to give me goosebumps..... I just love the show to death.

Hmmmm.... my cat has an eating disorder. She compulsively overeats, sometimes she throws up. Either way, she's on a diet. Only food twice a day and special diet food at that.

Oh well. 'So You Think You Can Dance' is on. I love that show. Dancing is good for weight loss.