A recap of 2009.......

Start with the low points first.....

I'm still single. Yes, a lot of it's my fault. I refuse to get over my ex and I still feel we could make it work again one day. He was broken, then I was broken. Maybe if when we're both well, we can make it work. There is too much history, too much there, too many good times still happening. But I'm still alone. I'm going to bed every night alone and I will wake up to the first day of 2009 all alone.

I'm still in the same job. I hate it. I swore to myself last year that I wouldn't be in this job and I still am. FAIL.

My health isn't great. My eating disorder is manifesting itself in a lot of ways and I can't handle a lot of things - eating in public, eating in general sometimes. I've put on weight that I didn't want too, my depression got worse and I can't sleep about 75% of the time.

My finances are screwed. I've got people threating me left right and center. I've got creditors phoning me, writing to me, sending threats and solicitors letters. I don't know what I'm going to do, honestly.

*SIGH*

Positives.... I suppose I can find a few....

Yes, my eating disorder is manifesting itself in other ways - but I'm purge free for almost 18 weeks. That's the most I've managed since I developed bulimia.

I finally got health insurance. I might finally be able to get my teeth fixed in the New Year.

I've been promoted to Store Manager. Yes, I hate my job with a passion and prey for a new one - but hey, I'm bloody good at a job I hate!

I've landed a volunteer position with a theatrical web based company. I need it if I'm to get anywhere in the arts and it's a great step.

I'm still studying. I enjoy that, at least.

I've started to go to a support group for people with eating disorders. I never thought I'd be able to do that.

I'm finally receiving medical treatment for my depression. I never thought I'd be able to do that, either.


Resolutions for 2009

Control my weight. No, not eating disorder related, but by going to a natropath or something, to find out how to put my metabolism back in order. My years of starving, binging, purging, starving etc, it's no longer working. I eat semi normally and my weight goes up. It's not right.

Get out of my house. My depression has caused me to be shut inside myself a lot of the time. I go out to the pub once a week, then only when I'm with G. I need to get out before I loose myself in myself all together.

Get Arts experience anyway I can.

Keep studying and actually try and do better this time!

Get organised!!!! If I want to be busy, then I need NOT to forget what the hell I'm supposed to do!!!

Resolve myself with G. Get him to remember why he loved me. Grasping at straws, but I need to try.

Try and be happy.......